


trying to find (my way back into you)

by Spring_Emerald



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, M/M, Misunderstandings, Post-Break Up, The post break up fic for kurodai week 2018 that never was
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-06-12 23:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15351327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spring_Emerald/pseuds/Spring_Emerald
Summary: Kuroo thinks he’d prepared himself enough to meet Sawamura again, after all these years.He definitely wasn’t expecting that it’s going to be when they are breaking up a fight between their former underclassmen.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hah, good luck to me.

Kuroo thinks he’d prepared himself enough to meet Sawamura again, after all these years. He’d planned on approaching their inevitable reunion with the maturity he’s gained over the time they’ve been apart and had gone without any communication. With the gap that separated them for years, Kuroo thinks he’s well enough to face him again- normally, pleasantly, without feeling any lingering pang of hurt.

He’s thinking of approaching the other man first. As soon as he sees him, ideally. Offer a polite greeting, and maybe their standard handshake too, if he can push it.

He definitely wasn’t expecting that it’s going to be when they are breaking up a fight between their former underclassmen.

It’s a blessing in disguise that Kenma had shoved him out of his waiting room, after Kuroo had given him his final pep talk before he becomes a married man. The door had just been unceremoniously closed on his face with more force than Kenma usually would put into things, when Shibayama arrives, visibly distraught and showing all signs of distress and panic. His stammering of the words that have ‘Yamamoto-san’ and ‘fight’ was enough to make Kuroo sprint to the vague directions Shibayama is giving, his kouhai following him at the same quick pace.

He hears the scuffle just as he rounds the corner, coming from the rest rooms nearest to the entrance of the wedding hall. It’s far enough that a commotion wouldn’t immediately be heard, but as the shouting match escalates, the guests were bound to notice sooner or later.

Lev is holding back a struggling Yamamoto, who’s yelling angrily at Karasuno’s former Baldy ace. He’s doing the same kind of struggling, but was doing a better job at it.

The person holding him back, another former player, the one with sleepy eyes whose name escapes Kuroo at the moment, doesn’t have quite the leverage, and he was concerned about keeping his face away from Tanaka’s head to avoid being head-butted.

Kuroo takes wide, hurried strides and places himself between the two of them.

“Hey, that’s enough.” He keeps his voice even but with enough tone of authority, pushing them apart and taking care not to be hit by their clawing hands and kicking legs.

“Take back what you said, you bastard!” Tanaka spews out from his right, glaring hard at Yamamoto, not even giving Kuroo a glance as he shoves the hand pushing on his chest away.

“Why should I? It’s the fucking truth. It’s not my fault you can’t take it!” Yamamoto glares.

Whatever the reason they’re fighting is lost to Kuroo, though he doesn’t linger on that. Breaking up the two of them is what’s important at the moment.

“Daichi-san is not like _that_!” Kuroo freezes when Tanaka shouts that. He suddenly has an idea why they’re fighting and it fills him with frustration and dread.

Frustration at Yamamoto’s lack of social decency for doing this now, out of all other times. Dread because he certainly doesn’t want that particular can of worms to be opened, ever. Most especially not now that they’re both in the same place.

He foregoes the plan to break them apart from the middle, and instead focuses on pushing Yamamoto away from Tanaka.

“Tora, that’s enough,” he warns between his teeth. Yamamoto doesn’t let up, doesn’t even acknowledge him as he still continues to lunge for Tanaka, but he doesn’t get to shout anything as another person beat him to the punch.

“ _Tanaka!_ ”

Kuroo doesn’t know how or why, but hearing that voice again- deeper than the one he still remembers- seemed to make everything stop.

For a moment, he couldn’t feel Yamamoto struggling in front of him, doesn’t feel the stuffy, uncomfortable stretch of his suit around his tensed body. His breath hitched and his heart skipped a beat.

After that momentary stillness that affected only him, everything starts moving again.

“What are you doing? Stop this right now!” Kuroo gulps at the clear authority and righteous anger evident in his voice. He almost shivered at the contact because Sawamura’s behind him now, and this is the closest they have been after all these years.

His distraction cost him, because he was unable to prevent Yamamoto from saying what he’d been burning to say before. “Yes he is! He’s a two-timing cheater!”

Kuroo snaps his mouth close, grinding his teeth harder, and letting some of his anger fuel him to push Yamamoto back. “Tora, that’s _fucking_ enough.”

“YOU BAST-”

“ **Tanaka!** ”

“But _Daichi-san-_ ”

“ _Enough!_ ” There are some rough shuffling behind Kuroo, and he assumes that Sawamura’s finally lost his cool too and had pushed Tanaka rather hard. “Do you really want to do this now? Do you really want to ruin Hinata’s wedding?”

“But he-”

“ _Do you?_ ”

His question, albeit directed to his own underclassman, seemed to have sobered Yamamoto just a little. And Kuroo takes this opportunity to drive a point across his own kouhai too.

“Don’t do this to Kenma, Tora.” His voice is low enough for only his underclassmen to hear.

Kuroo doesn’t see, but he hears the resigned “No” from Tanaka behind him, and Yamamoto deflates, finally through with his struggling.

“Then behave. For the rest of the ceremony and reception.” There’s a defeated sigh followed by silence. “Ennoshita, take him inside. And watch him. You too, Narita. Go inside.” Sawamura orders, calm but no less firm. 

Kuroo gives Yamamoto a silent but meaningful look that means to warn him just the same before easing off him. Yamamoto scoffs at him, then roughly pulls his arms away from Lev’s hold, and straightens his suit.

“Tora…”

“I will. For Kenma.” He walks away after that declaration, throwing one last stinky eye at Sawamura’s general direction.

Kuroo sighs, then pats a still nervous Lev on the shoulders and reached out for Shibayama to do the same.

"You two better go inside as well. If Yaku asks, tell him I will tell him later, alright?”

The both of them nod and Lev starts leaving first but Shibayama hesitates, looking at Kuroo, then glancing at Sawamura. Kuroo notice his reluctance and offers a reassuring nod.

They both walk away and Kuroo watches as they disappear around the corner, leaving him and Sawamura completely alone.

He’s not sure why he stayed. He really should’ve gone with Yamamoto to make sure he doesn’t pull anything stupid again. But it seemed wrong to leave Sawamura, since he didn’t immediately leave with his former teammates as well.

Kuroo risks a glance at him, finding that he’s back is still on him. He nervously licks his lips. “Sawamura, I-”

“Is that what you told them?”

“…What-”

“That I cheated on you?” Sawamura turns around to face him.

Kuroo snaps his mouth shut.

Sawamura, well… he doesn’t look happy to say the least. There’s a lot of different emotions that Kuroo can’t decipher right now, except from confusion and hurt.

“Sawamura-”

Sawamura huffs, cutting him off. “Well, I guess that makes a more compelling break up story than the truth.”

“No, it’s-”

“Save it.” Sawamura shuts him down. “I will stay away from you, and I will make sure my former teammates don’t bother anyone from yours. You should do the same.” With all of that said, he leaves Kuroo.

Kuroo stands there for a few moments, before scoffing. He scoffs at the nerve that Sawamura has to be angry at _him_ , when _he_ should be the one who has the right to. For making _him_ feel guilty when it should be Sawamura who _has_ to. He also scoffs at himself, disdainfully at that, for still caring, for still expecting.

He was expecting a lot of things, he planned and prepared for most of them. But it certainly was not the fucking train wreck that it currently is.

**\----------**

_“Oya, oya… Does the loud tiger already need his predecessor’s wise guidance?” Kuroo says as a greeting, when he meets Yamamoto by the gym, when the latter asked to meet him during lunch. “And here I thought it would at least take you another two weeks before you cave in and swallow your pride. So out with it. How can your former, great captain be of help?”_

_Yamamoto just scowls up at him, but even then, it wasn’t the usual one. “It’s not about that,” he grumbles. “Well, it’s… I don’t know how to say this…”_

_Kuroo cocks an eyebrow at Yamamoto’s unusual display of nervousness. “Oi, Tora. If you’re confessing to me, you know that I have a boyfriend, right?” He jests, testing the waters by teasing his kouhai. He gets a very pronounced eye roll for his efforts, but Yamamoto just turned more serious after that._

_“It’s about that actually.”_

_“About Sawamura?”_

_Yamamoto nods. “Did you… meet up yesterday? Like, I don’t know…had a date or something?”_

_“..Uh, no?” Kuroo looks at him confused. “We usually meet up every last weekend of the month, and it’s his turn this month, so he’ll be coming down to Tokyo then. Why do you want to know?”_

_Yamamoto looks away from him for a moment, before he huffs and steels himself. “Well, I saw him yesterday. I was running an errand and I saw him in one of the coffee shops in the shopping district near my neighborhood.”_

_Kuroo scoffs. “I think he would’ve told me if he was coming here. Are you sure it’s him?”_

_“I’m sure, Kuroo-san. I’ve seen him a lot of times during the training camp and during the Nationals to know it’s really him.”_

_“Okay… so he was in a coffee shop and he didn’t tell me. It’s fine.”_

_“He wasn’t alone.” That made Kuroo stop, and he raises an eyebrow at Yamamoto in a silent urge to continue talking. Yamamoto hesitates for a bit._

_“He’s with a guy.”_

_“And what did this guy look like?” Kuroo asks if only to humor Yamamoto._

_“Blond with an undercut and piercings.” Kuroo’s expression turned blank, a familiar face popping up in his mind’s eye._

_“Your reaction tells me that you know him.”_

_Kuroo swallows, then shakes his head minutely. “I do.” They stand in silence for some time, then Yamamoto says “I’m pretty sure he has his reasons. And I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, but… I thought I should tell you what I saw… Are you going to be alright?”_

_Kuroo nods, then pats him on the shoulder. “I know. And thank you, for telling me. And don’t worry, I’ll ask to Sawamura about it. Although I’d have to ask you to keep this between the two of us, for the meantime, alright?”_

_Yamamoto nods, albeit a little hesitatingly._

_\-----_

_That had been a week ago._

_Kuroo waited for Sawamura to say something about his trip to Tokyo during their nightly conversations, but Sawamura didn’t bring it up. And the coward that he is, he didn’t ask. He’s afraid that he might sound accusatory, and he doesn’t want to offend or make Sawamura mad._

_Of course he trusts Sawamura and believes that he’s not the sort of person to do that. There are a lot of things they still need to discover about each other. But from what he’s known about Sawamura since their first meeting, since their bonding during the training camp, it’s enough indication of his personality for Kuroo to trust him._

_There’s also the possibility that Yamamoto was actually wrong. Not that Kuroo doesn’t believe him, he trusts Yamamoto, not just as a member of the club, but as a person. What could Yamamoto gain by lying to him about it? And honestly, what’s giving him a pause was the description of the other guy Sawamura was allegedly with._

_He knows about Terushima Yuuji. Sawamura’s told him about the junior captain. That was when he noticed that this boy keeps on liking Sawamura’s posts in the few social media accounts that his boyfriend has. It had been amusing albeit quite annoying that time, and it even lead Sawamura to tease him about it. But ultimately, Sawamura told him that he’s got nothing to worry about when it comes to Terushima._

_Of course, Kuroo believes him._

_But… there’s this sliver of doubt that took hold since Yamamoto told him about it. It’s steadily growing bigger the more that Sawamura isn’t telling him about it. It’s like a drop of black ink that otherwise disturbed the clear waters. And as much as it diffused, no longer visible, one knows that it’s not the same anymore. Kuroo refuses to think more of it, but he can’t deny that the thought has been eating at him. He’s convinced himself that it’s just his jealousy clouding his judgment._

_It’s probably the reason why he’s scrolling through Terushima’s social media. He doesn’t know what he’s looking for exactly, but he’s also not stopping. He scrolls down some more, knowing about the interests of this guy more than he cares to, when he comes across a photo._

_An aesthetic shot of a drink and cake on a polished wooden table, with a tissue paper with the coffee shops logo smartly placed beside it. It’s innocuous enough, but what caught his attention was the caption._

Had a great time in Tokyo! #SpillTheBeans #goodcupofcaffiene #greatcompany

_He looks at the time stamp of the post and finds that it’s the same date that Yamamoto said he saw Sawamura. It has a considerable amount of likes and comments._

_Against Kuroo’s better judgment, he taps the small speech bubble icon and reads the thread of comments. They’re mostly about how the photo was taken nicely, but there’s one that asked: ‘What are you doing in Tokyo alone?’ Under which is Terushima’s cheeky reply: ‘Who said I was alone? There’s literally a hashtag saying great company, dumbass!’_

_It continued on to: ‘Oho… so it was a date then?’ To which the reply was a mysterious ‘…Maybe’ all complete with a winking smiley._

_Kuroo just stares down at it, coming out of his stupor a few minutes later, closing the app with a hard press on his phone’s home button. He throws his phone on his bed and starts pacing, trying to make sense of what he just read and what could it possibly mean._

_It wasn’t until three days after that, that he found the courage to finally ask Sawamura about it._

_During the days between that, he’s been called out by Yaku because his concentration was really shot, which he lied (not convincingly, but was still bought though) about being nervous for the final exams. And by Kenma, who pointed out that he’s been quietly annoying, which in Kenma speak means if he has a problem, then he better do something about it if he’s not going to talk to him about it._

_Kuroo knows that it’s time he do something about it instead of rationalizing or jumping into conclusion or thinking about the worst case scenario. It wasn’t helping ease his doubts. If he wants to know, he simply just have to ask Sawamura._

_There’s no way he would lie, right?_

_“…No, I didn’t.” Kuroo releases the breath he didn’t know he was holding._

_Sawamura took a while to answer his question. The brief but anxious moment of silence was Kuroo’s first clue._

_He’s lying. Sawamura’s lying to him about it._

_“I mean, why would I be there without telling you? Besides, I’ll go there at the end of the month.” Sawamura continues but Kuroo’s not particularly listening anymore, caught in the loop of his incriminating thoughts about Sawamura lying and trying to figure out why he would do that._

_“Yeah… you’re right.” He hears himself say detachedly then goes by the motion of saying his goodbyes to Sawamura over the phone._

_That night, Kuroo lies awake with his head between two pillows. Not because it’s how he usually sleeps, but to block out how loud his mind is going about, asking why Sawamura lied._

_\-----_

_The remaining few days leading up to their meeting left Kuroo in a hurt haze, one that stings of betrayal and confusion and disillusionment. Unanswered questions kept looping inside his head. Whispers of doubt and insecurity was his companion before he goes to sleep, if he can even manage that. Crying and feeling so low and so bad about himself had become a routine._

_He can’t- **won’t** try to rationalize Sawamura’s behavior anymore, and can’t- **won’t** chalk it up to jealousy too. _

_Because Sawamura lied. Kuroo asked him, and he fucking lied. Because he betrayed Kuroo’s trust and damn it, it fucking hurts._

_What took the fucking cake though, was when Sawamura asked for them to meet on the very same coffee shop where he went with Terushima. Kuroo thinks that Sawamura was a lot of things, but damn if he isn’t being cruel at the moment._

_How can Sawamura still smile like that at him like this? How can Sawamura act as if he’s not being unfaithful to Kuroo? How can he act normal around him? Was it so easy to juggle another man with him? Was Kuroo not enough?_

_Everything just made Kuroo feel ugly things.  And he doesn’t want to feel like this anymore. Kuroo wants it to stop._

_“Do you want to order first? Their cheesecake is the bestseller.”_

You would know about that, wouldn’t you? _Kuroo thinks angrily._

_“No,” he answers coldly, and sees the way Sawamura stiffens at his tone._ Good _, he thinks maliciously._

_“…Okay. Well, I have something to tell you.”_

_“Me too.”_

_Sawamura blinks. “Oh? Well, what is it?”_

_“Let’s break up. I can’t do this anymore.” Kuroo says before he can stop himself. He makes sure to look into Sawamura’s eyes with his cold, flinty ones. And before he can be taken in by the vulnerable look on Sawamura’s face, he ups and leaves him without looking back._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Daichi just stares at the vacant seat long after Kuroo’s gone, looking lost- feeling lost, as his vision becomes misty. If this is one of Kuroo’s prank, it definitely wasn’t funny._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next part. I hope you like it. 
> 
> Enjoy?

_Daichi just stares at the vacant seat long after Kuroo’s gone, looking lost- feeling lost, as his vision becomes misty. If this is one of Kuroo’s prank, it definitely wasn’t funny. But Kuroo doesn’t return. Kuroo doesn’t come back. He doesn’t walk inside and up to him with a goofy and mischievous smile and his annoying laugh, as he makes fun of Daichi’s reaction. Or maybe he’s waiting outside, waiting to jump into Daichi just as he comes out of the shop._

_The urge to follow Kuroo kicks in then._

_He should go after Kuroo and demand an explanation, demand a reason why he’s breaking up with him. He knows that it’s what he’s supposed to do before he could get any farther. But his body feels like lead, heavy and useless, as his chest ache at the sudden onslaught of pain._

_He remembers Kuroo’s eyes._

_Daichi’s not used with the way Kuroo looks at him with a soft gaze. It arrests his breath, in a good, embarrassing and giddy kind of way. The frigid stare Kuroo gave him as he said the words that spelled the end of them had nothing of the warmth that it once held. It suspended Daichi’s breath, but it made him suffocate._

_What had he done wrong? How long had Kuroo been thinking of breaking up with him? They were just fine a few weeks ago, what had changed? Daichi’s noticed that he’s been off the past few days before their meeting, judging from his voice during their nightly phone calls. But Kuroo didn’t talk about it and he didn’t want to push. Should he have? Would it have made a difference? Is that why he’s angry? Why he broke up with him? If Kuroo would just tell him, then maybe he could fix it, fix them._

_He blinks, feeling something wet on his cheeks and he dazedly brings a hand to swipe it, but more keep coming. More tears keep falling. He stares down on the acceptance letter on his lap, now crumpled and getting wet, and a breathless sob escapes his lips._

_He was supposed to surprise Kuroo with it. He was supposed to surprise him with the good news that they’re going to be spending their college life together. He was supposed to come clean and apologize for lying about coming to Tokyo a few weeks ago with Terushima. He was looking forward to the happy face he imagined Kuroo would make, and for the teasing about coming here without telling him._

_He was looking forward to spending time with him, heart full of happiness. Not this empty, broken feeling that he’s forced to face alone._

_He just sits there, pitifully crying, wallowing in the hurt and pain that the day had unexpectedly caused, when his phone vibrates inside his jean pocket. He’s about to ignore it, but wretched hope made him think that it’s Kuroo. He fumbles for it, then pauses, slightly disappointed to see that it wasn’t Kuroo, but his mom._

_He doesn’t want to talk to his mom right now. She will easily pick up on his distress and he doesn’t want to have a breakdown again, because he’s not strong enough to hold it once she asks what’s wrong. The call drops, but it starts soon after even before Daichi can catch his breath._

_Sniffing and wiping his tears, he clears his throat to try to mask his current state._

_“Hello, Mom?” His voice is still thick, but whatever excuse he’s trying to come up to tell his mom was promptly halted when he heard her sniffling on the other side of the line._

_“Mom, what’s wrong?”_

_“…Daichi,” she says with a slight hitch on her voice that alarmed Daichi. “Daichi, please hurry home. It’s Dad.”_

_\-----_

_As much as it’s unfortunate, his dad getting hospitalized gave Daichi a sense of purpose. And as selfish as it sounds, it provided him the distraction he needed from thinking about his recently failed relationship._

_Daichi welcomed the magnitude of work and the tight schedule that their family had agreed upon in the wake of their current situation. And between taking turns with his mom in staying at the hospital to attend to his dad, to taking care of the twins once it’s just the three of them at home, to studying and reviewing for his upcoming exams, he has little to no free time left to think about unnecessary things._

_If he wasn’t able to sleep, it’s because he’s thinking about his family. If he ever was crying before he goes to bed, it’s because he’s worrying about his dad, and he’s plagued by the negative and unwanted thoughts of him not recovering. Because those are the things worth losing sleep and crying over for and not something else._

_He’s going to be just fine as long as no one asks. He’s going to be just fine as long as no one notices. Besides, he rather prefers it this way. He can’t afford to feel sad or look weak in front of his family, especially since his mother and the twins are relying on his strength during this trying time. His mom often jokes about how he’s undeniably a carbon copy of his father, but nothing spells out the truth of that as much as it does now._

_There’s still the matter of telling his mom about his decision to forego Tokyo, and instead attend a university closer to home. It’s not like he’s extremely motivated to go there anyway, anymore._

_That doesn’t mean he get to keep that information to himself for long._

_Suga and Asahi have been in on his surprise, and granted that they didn’t have much time to ask him about how it went because of what happened to his father, it doesn’t mean that they forgot about it._

_“It’s time to take a break, you guys,” Asahi says, entering his room with a tray of drinks and snacks._

_“Ahh… you’re so reliable when it comes to these things Asahi,” Suga says, clearing the table of his and Daichi’s notes._

_Asahi is free of studying for the exams already, but since Suga and Daichi are in the college preparatory classes, they still have a few exams left. But even that’s the case, they still found themselves in Asahi’s room where they usually study together. It’s been that way since they were first years, and they find it hard to break tradition._

_Daichi sends a quick text to his mom, checking if she and the twins are alright, before he sets his phone down beside his drink. Suga languidly stretches beside him, while Asahi sits on his other side._

_“Asahi sure is enviable, having a lot of free time in his hands and not having to take any more exams. Right, Daichi?”_

_“Yeah, sure is,” Daichi replies without looking at him, as he is reading his mother’s reply to his message._

_Suga sighs. “Daichi, I get that you’re worried about your family, but auntie gave you the permission to come here and she specifically told you not to worry about them. Uncle is getting better, right? He’ll be out of the hospital soon, right?”_

_Daichi nods. They kept him just to make sure that there aren’t any complications. Because of his good recovery, the doctors had assured them that he can begin rehabilitation as soon as he’s able. It’s why his mother urged him to come to Asahi’s place, even if it wasn’t for the purpose of taking a break and having fun with his friends. She knows well enough about the comfort their presence provide him._

_“So there’s nothing to worry about. You can focus on the exams and on graduating and preparing to go to Tokyo. Which, we haven’t asked,” he gestures to Asahi, “because of recent events. But I don’t think Asahi and I can keep the suspense any longer. How did it go with Kuroo?”_

_There’s no way that Daichi can hide the way he stiffened upon hearing Suga’s question. There’s no way he can excuse the sudden feeling of coldness that rushed through his being, and the sudden jolt of pain in his chest along with the growing pinpricks behind his eyes._

_“…Daichi?” Asahi asks, tilting to have a better look at him. “Daichi, are you alright? What happened?”_

_And like a dam breaking, all the feelings that he’d tried to suppress, all the hurt that he kept at bay for the sake of his family, all the negative thoughts and questions he didn’t want to answer, he couldn’t answer, streamed out, unstoppable in its eagerness to finally be confronted by Daichi._

_He dislikes crying, dislikes feeling vulnerable. But time and again, Suga and Asahi had proven to be his rock in times when he’s the one who needs the support, when he’s the one who needs a shoulder to cry on._

_And weep he did. It was an anguished sort of helpless sobbing, of one who had been strong for so long, who had kept the cracks at bay but now is unable to._

_In an instant, Suga and Asahi are surrounding him, their arms around him, comforting him like they always do. And through tears, he tells them with his thick and cracking voice, relayed with difficulty the very same words Kuroo said that day he ended everything. They tried to encourage him to talk to Kuroo, and ask him. But Daichi doesn’t see the point._

_Kuroo left him. Left because he couldn’t do it, because he couldn’t take it anymore. Left him for reasons that is beyond Daichi. Whatever it was, it doesn’t seem to matter anymore._

_Once, Kuroo had said that he’s serious about him, about them. Once, Kuroo had promised that things will get better once they’re together, because then they’ll have more time to figure things out and get to know more about each other. And like a fool, Daichi believed him. Like the fool he is, who had fallen too hard, too fast, he’s now just a fool left alone too soon._

_Daichi is aware that Kuroo is a great number of things and mysteries, but he didn’t think he could be this heartless._

_“Please don’t try to do anything about this and don’t tell anyone else.”_

_“But Daichi…”_

_“Please.”_

_Suga and Asahi look at each other over his head, conversing through their eyes._

_“If that’s what you want,” Asahi finally says._

_\-----_

_He tells his mother about the change of plans a few days after that, before they were about to fetch his dad from the hospital. Daichi wanted to make his case as believable and airtight as possible so that his mother won’t feel guilty and think that she’s holding back from what he wants, because she’s the kind of mother like that._

_After finally convincing her that he’s not regretting his choice to stay, he makes the phone call to Terushima._

_“Hello, Terushima-kun?”_

_“Hello, Daichi-san. You called?”_

_Daichi takes a deep breath and explained the situation. “I’m really sorry for the inconvenience it will cause you and your aunt. I feel guilty for taking a while to tell you.”_

_“Don’t worry about it, Daichi-san. What happened was completely unexpected, and nobody wanted it. Auntie will be bummed though, since she really liked you. Out of all the ones checking the apartment out, I think you’re the first one she really warmed up too. She didn’t even act like that when I brought one of my senpai there before you.”_

_Daichi sighs. “I’m really sorry, Terushima. Please tell your aunt that too. You even went as far as coming with me to put in a good word. I really appreciate that.”_

_“It’s really fine, Daichi-san. And really, auntie will understand, as I do. Anyway, I gotta bounce now. I wish you and your family all the best!”_

_“You too. Bye.”_

\-----

Daichi blinks, before taking his gaze away from the happily dancing, newly wedded couple, in favor of picking up his glass of wine and drinks it in one gulp. The reception is well underway, having been done with the speeches from Hinata and Kenma’s respective family and friends. Even though he had to force himself to sit through Kuroo’s whole speech, fighting the urge to bolt out of his seat and escape.

It’s foolish, Daichi thinks. How Kuroo can still have an effect on him. He’d been alright and completely fine at the prospect of meeting him again. It was to be expected. Ever since Hinata and Kenma got together, it’s only a matter of time before their paths cross again.

He thought that their meeting would go along smoothly. Well, as smooth as how meeting your ex is going to be. And Daichi’s quite confident that they’ve put everything behind them. Seven years is a long time to be holding a grudge or anything negative over a failed relationship, after all.

It wasn’t worth the effort for him, and he hoped that was the same for Kuroo.

Apparently, that hadn’t been the case. Not with the accusations that had been thrown on his person by one of Kuroo’s friends. It was confusing just as much as it’s hurtful. He doesn’t understand where that came from, the idea of him cheating on Kuroo. If anything, it had been Kuroo who just ended their relationship out of nowhere and abandoned him.

And while he didn’t have any reason to cover for Kuroo, he didn’t go around telling people who asked why they broke up the real reason why. Granted, it was somehow like that, but it’s only because he knows that the Karasuno - Nekoma relationship will still continue. Not to mention that he has teammates who’re actually close with Nekoma members who have close ties with Kuroo. He’d rather not sully the connection just because of their bad break-up.

It’s also partly because of his pride. He was rather ashamed to admit that they broke up because Kuroo got tired of him. While his friends told him that it’s nothing to be ashamed about, and offered all those platitudes saying its Kuroo’s loss for breaking up with, nothing quite changed his adamancy in keeping mum about it.

His official reason then, if anyone asks, is that due to his father’s condition, he won’t be able to pursue studying in Tokyo. And while they’ve managed until then, they don’t know how long their long distance relationship will last, so it’s better to end it, than let it deteriorate over time.

Knowing what he knows now, knowing how tarnished his name was among the former Nekoma players, Daichi is yet again feeling like a fool for going as far for Kuroo like that.

Well, that doesn’t matter anymore. This is just further proof that he shouldn’t be hoping for anything anymore. Further proof that that ship has long since sailed. It’s probably better that it happened now, so he can truly move forward.

Daichi heaves a deep sigh, earning a worried glance from Ennoshita. “Are you alright, Daichi-san?”

He looks at him with a wan smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” He casts Tanaka a glance and sees him still in a negative mood. “Why don’t you get a drink, you two?”

“We’re alright, Daichi-san. Mingling with the other guests doesn’t seem like a good idea right now.”

Daichi feels guilty about how he ordered Tanaka to stay put and behave, but it was the only thing he could think of doing earlier. It doesn’t help that only the three of them are the ones left on Karasuno’s designated table. Hinata had come up to them, but he was soon whisked away to greet the other guests that he didn’t have time to completely wonder why his loud senpai is unusually quiet.

He looks around the room, checking out where the rest of them are, when he catches Kuroo chatting away with the Bokuto and Akaashi on the other side. He doesn’t look that much affected by what had happened earlier. Daichi then berates himself for caring. With another sigh, he looks away and stands up from his seat, telling Ennoshita that he’ll just be outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~I love Daichi so much, I gave him a sob backstory.~~


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes out. And it fucking hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sighs* This is it. This is the last part.

Akaashi follows Sawamura’s figure with his eyes, before returning his attention to Bokuto and Kuroo’s conversation.

“I’m surprised you haven’t towed Hinata away and made him dance with you,” Kuroo remarks, looking over at the boy (he will always be a boy to him) and his best friend, now hopping tables to greet the guests. He almost snickers at the way Kenma lags behind Hinata, knowing well how exhausted he is at being dragged around the hall to meet a lot of people.

“Not yet. I plan to, later.” Bokuto winks before downing down his drink.

“Hah, good luck on prying Kenma away from him.”

Akaashi mentally agrees with him. “What I’m surprised about, Kuroo-san,” he interjects, his curiosity getting the better of him, “is that I haven’t seen you bother Sawamura-san since the reception.” He takes a sip of his drink, watching him over the rim of his glass.

The way Kuroo stiffens at the mention of Sawamura’s name is not lost to Akaashi, but he doesn’t say anything about it. He doesn’t really know what had become of them. He only knows just as much as Bokuto-san does, because despite not being his setter anymore, Bokuto-san is still compelled to tell him everything, whether he appreciates it or not.

He only knows that they’ve broken up but Kuroo-san didn’t say the reason why.

He’s got to admit that this particular information is something he wants to be more privy about. Which he thinks is only natural, since he unwillingly lent his help to Bokuto-san when he declared himself as Kuroo-san’s wingman in his effort to win Sawamura-san’s heart, way back then. He knows it’s not any of his business but he was curious about the reason for their falling out.

“Th-this is not the time, nor the place,” Kuroo replies. His argument is weak, but Akaashi has taken pity on the way he’s become nervous and fidgety.

“That’s understandable, bro. It’s tough dealing with one’s ex.” Bokuto nods sagely, patting Kuroo’s back. “Though, I wonder how Sawamura is doing now.”

“He’s working as a Physical Therapist. Mostly with stroke patients,” Akaashi answers.

Bokuto looks at Akaashi suspiciously. “How did you know that?”

Akaashi shrugs. “From Tsukishima. We were catching up earlier and got into the topic of everybody’s lives.” He continues to tell the unfortunate story of what happened to Sawamura’s father and how it changed his plans.

Kuroo stands frozen on his feet, shocked to hear about this news only now. He hadn’t formally met Sawamura’s father when they had been together, but he’d seen enough pictures and heard enough of him from Sawamura. And those times, it was clear that Sawamura loved and admired his father very much. Why hadn’t Sawamura told him about this?

“Really? That must have been rough.” Bokuto frowns.

“It was. But his father is all recovered and is doing well now. At least that’s what the Karasuno members know. It’s a shame that he had to give up going to university in Tokyo because of it.”

Kuroo snaps his head to look at Akaashi. “What?”

Akaashi startles at the sharpness of Kuroo’s question. He blinks. “...He got accepted at a university in Tokyo,” Akaashi says slowly. “But he chose to stay because of what happened to his father- Kuroo-san, are you alright?” Akaashi quickly puts down his drink to hold Kuroo’s arm when he started swaying, while Bokuto’s also quick to hold Kuroo’s side upright.

Akaashi turns a nearby chair around and together, they guided Kuroo down to sit on it. He’s looking pale and has this kind of faraway look in his eyes.

Bokuto offers him a glass of water, which he takes and drinks in one gulp. He passes the glass back to Bokuto without looking, and runs his hands roughly through his hair, messing up the meticulously gelled up-do he’d managed to tame it into, a deep frown on his face.

Akaashi and Bokuto share a silent but meaningful look over Kuroo’s head. “Bro, what’s wrong?” Bokuto asks, rubbing a hand across Kuroo’s back to try and comfort him.

Kuroo clenches on his hair, quelling the growing headache, questions and thoughts running wild inside his mind. Mostly, it’s just ‘ _I did not know_ ’ bouncing around his head, an unspoken response to Bokuto’s question. It’s followed by ‘ _Why do I even care? It’s been years._ ’

But the thing is, he does. He _still_ just _does_. There’s some kind of feeling in his chest that goes warm, then cold that seeps into his being; a sense of foreboding that he doesn’t even know the source of.

_‘I didn’t know.’_

Trying to figure it out, make sense of this whole confusion gives Kuroo a sense of purpose though. It helped him focus on something else other than the dull, throbbing pain.

If it’s the matter of Sawamura not telling him about what happened to his father, he can give that a definite timeline. That probably happened after their falling out. As sad and regretful as it is, there’s no way that Sawamura would inform him of that.

But going to university in Tokyo… that would have happened way before they broke up. Seven years is a lot of time to travel back in his memories to try and remember the exact date when he took it, but it’s pretty generic for everyone and it happens on the same month. So, as fuzzy as everything is, he’s sure about this fact. He’s sure that Sawamura’s got plenty of time to tell him about it, tell him what he’s planning.

And he got accepted? Acceptance letters arrive within a reasonable time after the exam was taken. Again, it still would’ve been a few weeks before, still plenty of time for Sawamura to tell him.

_‘Why does it matter?’_ Why indeed. Because it shouldn’t, not anymore. But Kuroo can’t let it go. There’s something in his gut that is telling him that he’s in the cusp of discovering, _understanding_ something.

Then again, so what? There’s no point in figuring this whole thing out, is there? It wouldn’t bring them back in time. It certainly wouldn’t bring back time to them. It’s not like the knowledge of this would undo all that happened.

It wouldn’t change anything.

Would it?

Kuroo’s head throbs in pain and he presses down his thumb at the side, rolling it in small circles to ease some of it. This is too messed up, and it’s been too long for him to be too hung up about this.

He came with the knowledge that Sawamura will be present, but everything that happened so far when they meet again was not what Kuroo was expecting. It’s far from how he wants it to be. And it doesn’t just bring old, painful memories, but burning questions that he may have buried, but never truly forgotten.

He feels now, more than ever, is the time to have answers to that. Forget about being prepared and being civil, that plan had gone straight right out the window once they met again. And if Sawamura breaks his heart again by telling the truth, and if Kuroo inevitably breaks his own heart by seeking the answers he’s probably off not knowing, well, he’ll come out of it as a braver and hopefully stronger man.

And maybe, after this, he can truly, completely move on. Because as much as it had been too long, he never quite gotten over Sawamura Daichi.

He cards his hand through his hair one more time, arriving at a decision.

It’s time to face Sawamura and get his answers.

\-----

Daichi leans on the railing, eyes closed as he inhales the crisp night air, letting the cold burn and expand his lungs, before releasing it again in slow, measured breath. The trick does the job of stopping the prickling sensation and it actually did make him feel a little better.

“You can do this, Daichi,” he whispers to himself. It’s only a few hours left until the reception and he’ll be able to leave soon. Only a few hours and he doesn’t have to be anywhere near Kuroo.

It had been easier to ignore him earlier, when anger had been his dominant emotion upon knowing that he’d been unjustly accused. When all he could do was pretend that the other does not exist, just so he wouldn’t act on his impulse and punch him on the face. When the thought of doing so would ruin Hinata’s wedding is the only thing that is keeping him rational.

But his anger soon fizzled out, replaced by hurt and disappointment. Along with that comes the consciousness of Kuroo’s presence. He’s hard to ignore when he has to stand in front of the crowd and say his piece as Kozume’s best man.

It took all of Daichi’s willpower not to excuse himself and bolt out of the hall, spend an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom-other people’s assumption be damned-just so he doesn’t have to watch and listen to Kuroo talk about how perfect Kozume and Hinata are; how lucky they are to find each other and survive a long distance relationship, to finally get where they are now.

It’s a mockery, is what it is. It’s like a slap to his face. It’s a cruel reminder of what could have been and will never be.

This is not the time to realize that he still hasn’t completely moved on. This is not the time to acknowledge that after all this time, he’s just been pretending to be alright, showing up a brave front, not letting anyone know that he’s laden with insecurities and bothered by endless questions. This is not the time to admit that he had just been successfully masking his pain with no one the wiser, not even Suga and Asahi, not even his family; focusing on everything and everyone else except this, never truly faced and processed his emotions and allowed himself the reprieve that he undoubtedly needs.

Kuroo ruined him and he really shouldn’t be feeling this kind of _longing._

Daichi press his palms hard against his eyes, shoulders hunched and tensed as he breathes through his mouth. Not now. He can’t breakdown right now. He can lick his wounds later, when he’s alone, away from everyone else so _please, just stop, not now_.

He hears the muffled voice of the emcee announce something and takes it as his cue to go back inside. He rubs his tears away and hastily wipes his hands on his pants. He fixes his suit and straightens up his shoulders. With another deep breath and the quick pep smile to flex his muscle, he turns to go back…only to see Kuroo coming out and coming towards him.

Their eyes clash and Daichi steels his jaw, purposefully strides toward Kuroo and has every intention of passing by him. But that doesn’t happen, because Kuroo grabs him on the arm and forcefully halts him.

“We need to talk.”

Daichi refuse to look at him. “We have nothing to talk about.” He attempts to take his arm from Kuroo, but the other only holds on tighter.

“Look, we either do this quietly, or we make a scene. Your choice.”

Daichi looks up at him with a glare. “You wouldn’t,” he says, studying Kuroo for hints that he’s bluffing.

Kuroo grimaces, a twisted, cruel imitation of his smirk, unfamiliar and a little dangerous.

He isn’t.

“I would. At this point, I don’t care about anything else, I just want answers.” Kuroo licks his lips. “So what’s it gonna be, Sawamura?”

Daichi swallows at the look in Kuroo’s eyes, one that is not unlike the look he gave him when he broke up with him. He takes a shaky breath.

“Fine.” He roughly jerks his arm from Kuroo and Kuroo lets him go. He walks away from the doors, Kuroo following after him.

“Let’s get this over with,” Daichi says, facing Kuroo squarely, arms crossed over his chest.

Kuroo stares at him and says a silent to hell with it to the wind. “Why didn’t you tell me about university in Tokyo?”

Daichi blinks up at him in surprise. “How did you know about that?”

“Just answer the question, Sawamura.” Kuroo waves a dismissing hand on the air.

Daichi huffs. “I don’t see why it matters. It was a long time ago and there’s no point in digging it up.”

Kuroo grits his teeth. It’s not the answer he wants. “Is it because you had no plans of actually pursuing it, since you found someone new? You weren’t planning to tell me.” Because, as grasping at the straws as it may seem, it’s the only logical thing Kuroo can think of.

Kuroo’s been told that he’s mature for his age, patient and understanding about other’s shortcomings, not easily given to anger, even when dealt with an unfair. But that was then, before he was betrayed by the person he least expects.

But damn if after all these years, Sawamura still has this uncanny way of unraveling him, making him vulnerable, baring him raw.

Daichi’s anger surges back. He throws his arms down on his side, glaring hotly at Kuroo. “I don’t know where you got that idea, or how you got it in your head to even think that, but I never cheated on you!”

Kuroo scoffs. “Yeah, because that explains Terushima,” he snarls.

Daichi recoils in disbelief. “What the hell does Terushima have to do with this?!” He seethes, running his hands through his hair in frustration.

Kuroo cuts to the chase. “You went to Tokyo with him. Remember I asked you? You lied to me,” Kuroo points a harsh finger at Daichi. “You said you didn’t go, but Tora saw you. With him.”

Daichi frowns, wracking his brain at the same time wondering how Kuroo can be so convinced of this. And not only him, but Yamamoto too, judging from how he was so angry at Daichi earlier.

This is too much of everything at the same time. It’s been too long, and this is too soon. Daichi doesn’t know this is… he shakes his head to clear some of his jumbled thoughts.

“I don’t know what he told you, but that was-” something clicks.

The meet-up. The call. The letter. The café.

He feels all the fight, all the indignation leave in an instant, replaced with a sinking feeling. Daichi’s mind working miles a minute as everything _clicks_ , _clicks_ , _clicks_ , personal, one-sided truths slotting into two-sided moments, slotting into place, putting it in perspective and starts to make sense.

Kuroo’s question, and his denial.

Kuroo’s indifference. Kuroo’s anger.

Their break-up.

“Oh my god,” Daichi whispers, shoulders sagging, realization crashing like a tidal wave, unbalancing him. He holds the railing just in time before he can fall as he staggers backwards.

“Oh my god,” he looks at Kuroo, horrified.

Kuroo exhales, taking the expression as sign of admission to guilt. “Are you going to finally own up to it?”

Daichi shakes his head vigorously. “Kuroo, no, it’s not like that-”

“Sawamura! Please! Just tell me the truth!” He demands.

Because Kuroo’s so tired of this. He thought he’s alright, he thought he’s done with all of this, but just being near Sawamura, having revelations after revelations, unpacked all the negative feelings he’s been carrying all this time, like a luggage that just bursts because of all the excess baggage he tried to keep inside, only to come out and create a bigger mess, one that will take even longer time to sort and clean up.

“I am!” Daichi’s crying now, because he needs Kuroo to know, he needs Kuroo to understand. “I was with Terushima, but it’s not like that! I never cheated on you! I would never do that to you!”

Kuroo shakes his head, clearly not believing Daichi, still tightly holding onto his assumption.

Daichi confesses everything he was unable to, tells all the details that he can remember; tells his plans no matter how ruined they are now, or they probably already were the moment he decided to keep it as a stupid little secret.

Emotions passed by Kuroo like a freight train as he listens.

Anger. _Why is still Sawamura denying it?_

Defeat. _He just wants this over with._

Then he sobers somehow in disbelief. _Have it all been wrong all along? It…it can’t be._

“I… I wanted to make sure everything’s okay before I tell you.” Tears fall continuously from Daichi’s eyes, his voice thick. It’s difficult to speak, as shame and regret and anger at himself starts to clog his throat. “I was going to tell you! I was going to surprise you with the news, but then-” he heaves a defeated breath.

“I broke up with you,” Kuroo finishes for him in a low, detached voice, mind flashing back to that exact moment, playing it like a movie in his head.

_‘I have something to tell you.’_

_He can’t stand seeing Sawamura so he went and just got it over with, not bothering to wait, to listen, too jaded by hurt and just wants it to stop and leave and never come back._

_‘Let’s break up. I can’t do this anymore.’_

Finally, dread.

Dread settles in Kuroo’s chest, weighing down to his stomach, as he looks at Daichi with wide eyes, shaking his head because n _o. No, no, no, no._

_It can’t be. No._

He opens his mouth and closes it, open and close, meeting Daichi’s red-rimmed eyes, with his own that starts prickling at the sides.

He sees the truth in there. He sees the truth and it _fucking_ _hurts_.

His head throbs. He can’t breathe. He’s suffocating. It…it can’t be.

There’s no way that this is the truth. Because if it is, then…

“W-What…” his own words echo inside his head. He looks at Daichi in horror. “ _What have I done?_ ”

And like a puppet whose strings have been cut, Kuroo’s knees give up on him, as he crumples down on the cold stone floor.

“What have I done?”

Daichi kneels in front of him and takes his face in his hands, and Kuroo sees how his breath hitch in a sad, sad sob. “Kuroo…”

That had been Kuroo’s undoing, and he cries.

\-----

Bokuto finds them holding each other as they cry and he immediately rushes inside to call their friends. Between their respective teammates, they usher the two to Kenma’s waiting room, left alone to sort themselves out and perhaps to finally settle everything that has happened between them, once and for all.

They sit in silence, having calmed down somehow, but both still lost in their own thoughts, reeling at the revelation, unable to look at each other because it only makes them want to cry again even though they’re both wrung dry and exhausted. The glasses of water Suga left for them remains untouched, the space between them, scant as it is on the sofa they’re both on, seem significantly, irreparably wider.

All this time.

All the sleepless nights and the tears cried.

All the insecurities and poisonous thoughts that didn’t quite leave.

All the failed attempts at relationships and moving on.

All the million questions that always start with why and how and not having the answers to them.

All these years... wasted.

All these years they were just unnecessarily hurting each other, hurting themselves over each other.

Kuroo drags a hand across his tear-stained face. “Sawamura, I’m sorry. I’m _so_ sorry. I had no idea. I’m sorry I did this to you, to us. _I’m so sorry_. I’m sorry that for years you felt abandoned.”

Daichi shakes his head and shushes him. “Kuroo, I’m sorry too. For the years you thought that you’re never enough. I’m so sorry.”

“How can we make this right?” Kuroo looks at him, desperate for answers.

Daichi meets his eyes and shrugs sadly. “I don’t know. I wish I do, but I… I just don’t know.”

And there’s nothing more that he wants than for everything to be alright, but years of bearing not quite healed emotional scars-despite having been caused of hasty jumping into conclusions and immature misunderstanding, of all things-things like that doesn’t disappear overnight. Their apologies to each other, while relieving to a certain degree, doesn’t erase the past years and doesn’t erase the damage that has been done.

It doesn’t work like that.

And that’s what hurts the most. The thought that they could’ve spared themselves this heartache. That instead of spending years growing apart and weary, they could’ve grown together, grown with each other. That they could’ve navigated life beside each other. 

What’s painful is the limbo that is the ‘what ifs’. What’s painful is the bitter aftertaste of regret of the ‘should haves’. What’s painful is the missed chance of ‘could have beens’.

They’re hung up on each other because of the pain the experience caused. But now, in the light of the truth, it’s too early to say if they still feel the same for each other. The experience changed them both, shaped the person they are right now. And maybe in some ways they’re still the same Kuroo and Daichi, but in others, especially to each other, they most certainly are not.

They’re practically strangers. Strangers with shared history, but strangers nonetheless.

But maybe, that’s not a bad thing.

“I don’t know, but,” Daichi tentatively puts a hand on top of Kuroo’s. “Maybe we can start over? Start being friends again?”

A lone tears falls from Kuroo’s visible eye, as he smiles at Daichi and takes the hand on his. “That sounds really nice.”

Daichi smiles back at him.

Circumstances and childish choices may have set them off the rocky path away from each other, but now it has converged once again. Still rough and not completely smooth, but neither minds taking the long road to see if it will eventually lead back to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank each and everyone for your patience with me and this story, and for sticking with it even though it's painful. I hope I delivered a satisfying ending one could hope for. :')

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I guess?


End file.
